As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 4

Duke Senior

Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boyCan do all this that he hath promised?

Do you believe, Orlando, that the boy can do everything he has promised?

Orlando

I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not,As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

Sometimes I believe it, and sometimes I don't, like people who are afraid to hope and know they are afraid.

Rosalind

Patience once more whiles our compact is urged.[To the Duke.] You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,You will bestow her on Orlando here?

Be patient once more while we go over our agreement.
[To the Duke.] You say that if I bring your Rosalind here, you will give her in marriage to Orlando?

Duke Senior

That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

I would, even if I had kingdoms to give along with her.

Rosalind (to Orlando)

And you say you will have her when I bring her?

And you say you will marry her when I bring her?

Orlando

That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

I would, even if I were king of every kingdom.

Rosalind (to Phoebe)

You say you’ll marry me if I be willing?

You say you'll marry me if I'm willing?

Phoebe

That will I, should I die the hour after.

I will, even if I die an hour afterward.

Rosalind

But if you do refuse to marry me,You’ll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

But if you refuse to marry me, you'll marry this most faithful shepherd?

Phoebe

So is the bargain.

That's our agreement.

Rosalind (to Silvius)

You say that you’ll have Phoebe if she will?

You say you'll marry Phoebe if she's willing?

Silvius

Though to have her and death were both one thing.

Even if marrying her and dying were the same thing.

Rosalind

I have promised to make all this matter even.Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter,You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter.Keep your word, Phoebe, that you’ll marry me,Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd.Keep your word, Silvius, that you’ll marry herIf she refuse me. And from hence I goTo make these doubts all even.

I have promised to settle all of this. Duke, keep your word to give your daughter in marriage. Orlando, keep yours to marry his daughter. Phoebe, keep your word to marry me or, if you refuse me, to marry this shepherd. Silvius, keep your word to marry her if she refuses me. Now I'm leaving to clear up all these uncertainties.

Duke Senior

I do remember in this shepherd boySome lively touches of my daughter’s favour.

I recognize some striking traces of my daughter's looks in this shepherd boy.

Orlando

My lord, the first time that I ever saw himMethought he was a brother to your daughter.But, my good lord, this boy is forest-bornAnd hath been tutored in the rudimentsOf many desperate studies by his uncle,Whom he reports to be a great magician,Obscured in the circle of this forest.

My lord, the first time I saw him, I thought he was your daughter's brother. But, my good lord, this boy was born in the forest. His uncle has taught him the basics of many dangerous arts. He says this uncle is a great magician who lives hidden within this forest.

Jaques

There is sure another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.

There must be another flood coming, and these couples are heading for the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange animals, called fools in every language.

Touchstone

Salutation and greeting to you all.

Greetings and best wishes to you all.

Jaques

Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a courtier, he swears.

My good lord, welcome him. This is the gentleman with a fool's patchwork mind whom I've so often met in the forest. He swears he has been a courtier.

Touchstone

If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.

If anyone doubts that, let him make me prove it. I've danced a formal dance. I've flattered a lady. I've been calculating with my friend and smooth with my enemy. I've bankrupted three tailors. I've had four quarrels, and one nearly became a fight.

Jaques

And how was that ta’en up?

And how was that settled?

Touchstone

Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.

Well, we met and found that the quarrel rested on the seventh level of insult.

Jaques

How seventh cause?—Good my lord, like this fellow?

What do you mean, the seventh level? My good lord, do you like this fellow?

Duke Senior

I like him very well.

I like him very much.

Touchstone

God ’ild you, sir, I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl in your foul oyster.

God reward you, sir. I wish you the same. I'm squeezing in here, sir, among the other country couples, to make vows and break them, as marriage ties us down and passion breaks us loose. A poor virgin, sir, an ugly thing, sir, but my own. It's a little fancy of mine, sir, to take what no other man wants. Great virtue lives like a miser, sir, in a shabby house, just as a pearl lives in an ugly oyster.

Duke Senior

By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

Honestly, he's very quick and full of wise sayings.

Touchstone

According to the fool’s bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

As quick as a fool's arrow, sir, and other such sweet afflictions.

Jaques

But, for the seventh cause. How did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?

But about the seventh level. How did you find that the quarrel rested on the seventh level?

Touchstone

Upon a lie seven times removed—bear your body more seeming, Audrey—as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier’s beard. He sent me word if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is called the “retort courteous”. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send me word he cut it to please himself. This is called the “quip modest”. If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgement. This is called the “reply churlish”. If again it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true. This is called the “reproof valiant”. If again it was not well cut, he would say I lie. This is called the “countercheck quarrelsome”, and so, to the “lie circumstantial”, and the “lie direct”.

It was seven steps away from calling someone a liar—stand more properly, Audrey—like this, sir. I disliked the cut of a certain courtier's beard. He sent me word that if I said his beard wasn't well cut, he thought it was. This is called the “polite comeback.” If I sent word back that it wasn't well cut, he would send word that he cut it to please himself. This is called the “mild dig.” If I said again that it wasn't well cut, he would dismiss my judgment. This is called the “rude reply.” If I said again that it wasn't well cut, he would answer that I wasn't speaking the truth. This is called the “bold rebuke.” If I said again that it wasn't well cut, he would say I was lying. This is called the “quarrelsome challenge,” and so on to the “conditional accusation of lying” and the “direct accusation of lying.”

Jaques

And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

And how many times did you say his beard wasn't well cut?

Touchstone

I durst go no further than the lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the lie direct; and so we measured swords and parted.

I didn't dare go beyond the conditional accusation of lying, and he didn't dare call me a liar directly. So we measured our swords and parted.

Jaques

Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

Can you now name the levels of accusing someone of lying, in order?

Touchstone

O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book, as you have books for good manners. I will name you the degrees: the first, the retort courteous; the second, the quip modest; the third, the reply churlish; the fourth, the reproof valiant; the fifth, the countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the lie with circumstance; the seventh, the lie direct. All these you may avoid but the lie direct and you may avoid that too with an “if”. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an “if”, as, “if you said so, then I said so;” and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your “if” is the only peacemaker; much virtue in “if.”

Oh, sir, we quarrel by printed rules, by the book, just as you have books on good manners. I'll name the levels for you: first, the polite comeback; second, the mild dig; third, the rude reply; fourth, the bold rebuke; fifth, the quarrelsome challenge; sixth, the conditional accusation of lying; seventh, the direct accusation of lying. You can avoid fighting over all of these except the direct accusation, and you can avoid that too with an “if.” I knew of a time when seven judges couldn't settle a quarrel. But when the parties met in person, one of them simply thought of an “if,” as in, “If you said that, then I said this.” And they shook hands and swore to be brothers. Your “if” is the only peacemaker. There's great power in “if.”

Jaques

Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? He’s as good at anything, and yet a fool.

Isn't he an extraordinary fellow, my lord? He's good at everything, and yet he's a fool.

Duke Senior

He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit.

He uses his foolishness like a hunter's disguise, and from behind its cover he fires off his wit.

Hymen

Then is there mirth in heavenWhen earthly things made evenAtone together.Good Duke, receive thy daughter.Hymen from heaven brought her,Yea, brought her hither,That thou mightst join her hand with his,Whose heart within his bosom is.

There is joy in heaven when things on earth are set right and brought into harmony. Good Duke, welcome your daughter. Hymen has brought her from heaven, yes, brought her here, so that you can join her hand with the man whose heart belongs to her.

Rosalind (to Duke Senior)

To you I give myself, for I am yours.[To Orlando.] To you I give myself, for I am yours.

I give myself to you, because I am yours.
[To Orlando.] I give myself to you, because I am yours.

Duke Senior

If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

If I can trust my eyes, you are my daughter.

Orlando

If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

If I can trust my eyes, you are my Rosalind.

Phoebe

If sight and shape be true,Why then, my love adieu.

If I can trust what I see and the way you look, then goodbye, my love.

Rosalind (to Duke Senior)

I’ll have no father, if you be not he.[To Orlando.] I’ll have no husband, if you be not he.[To Phoebe.] Nor ne’er wed woman, if you be not she.

I’ll have no father unless you are he.
[To Orlando.] I’ll have no husband unless you are he.
[To Phoebe.] And I’ll never marry a woman unless you are she.

Hymen

Peace, ho! I bar confusion.’Tis I must make conclusionOf these most strange events.Here’s eight that must take handsTo join in Hymen’s bands,If truth holds true contents.[To Orlando and Rosalind.] You and you no cross shall part.[To Celia and Oliver.] You and you are heart in heart.[To Phoebe.] You to his love must accordOr have a woman to your lord.[To Audrey and Touchstone.] You and you are sure togetherAs the winter to foul weather.Whiles a wedlock hymn we sing,Feed yourselves with questioning,That reason wonder may diminishHow thus we met, and these things finish.

Quiet, everyone! I will allow no confusion. I must bring these very strange events to their conclusion. Here are eight people who must join hands in marriage, if the truth really is what it seems.
[To Orlando and Rosalind.] No hardship will separate you two.
[To Celia and Oliver.] Your two hearts are united.
[To Phoebe.] You must accept his love or have a woman for your husband.
[To Audrey and Touchstone.] You two belong together as surely as winter brings bad weather.
While we sing a wedding song, satisfy your curiosity with questions. Let reason make it less astonishing that we have met like this and brought these matters to a close.

Song

Wedding is great Juno’s crown,O blessed bond of board and bed.’Tis Hymen peoples every town,High wedlock then be honoured.Honour, high honour, and renownTo Hymen, god of every town.

Marriage is great Juno’s crowning glory, the blessed bond of shared meals and a shared bed. Hymen fills every town with people, so let the noble state of marriage be honored. Honor, great honor, and fame to Hymen, god of every town.

Duke Senior

O my dear niece, welcome thou art to meEven daughter, welcome in no less degree.

My dear niece, you are as welcome to me as a daughter, and no less dear.

Phoebe (to Silvius)

I will not eat my word, now thou art mine,Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.

I won’t go back on my word. Now you are mine, and your faithfulness wins my love for you.

Jaques De Boys

Let me have audience for a word or two.I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.Duke Frederick, hearing how that every dayMen of great worth resorted to this forest,Addressed a mighty power, which were on footIn his own conduct, purposely to takeHis brother here and put him to the sword;And to the skirts of this wild wood he came,Where, meeting with an old religious man,After some question with him, was convertedBoth from his enterprise and from the world,His crown bequeathing to his banished brother,And all their lands restored to them againThat were with him exiled. This to be trueI do engage my life.

Please listen to me for a moment or two. I am old Sir Rowland’s second son, and I bring this news to this fine gathering. Duke Frederick heard that men of great worth were coming to this forest every day. He gathered a mighty army and personally led it here, intending to capture his brother and put him to death. He reached the edge of this wild forest, where he met an old religious man. After talking with him for a while, he gave up both his plan and worldly life. He left his crown to his banished brother and restored all the lands of those who were exiled with him. I stake my life on the truth of this.

Duke Senior

Welcome, young man.Thou offer’st fairly to thy brother’s wedding:To one his lands withheld, and to the otherA land itself at large, a potent dukedom.First, in this forest let us do those endsThat here were well begun and well begot;And after, every of this happy numberThat have endured shrewd days and nights with usShall share the good of our returned fortune,According to the measure of their states.Meantime, forget this new-fall’n dignity,And fall into our rustic revelry.Play, music! And you brides and bridegrooms all,With measure heaped in joy to th’ measures fall.

Welcome, young man. You bring fine gifts to your brothers’ weddings: to one, the lands kept from him; to the other, a whole territory, a powerful dukedom. First, here in this forest, let us complete what we have so happily begun and brought about. Afterward, everyone in this happy company who has endured hard days and nights with us will share in our restored good fortune, each according to their rank. Meanwhile, forget this newly gained dignity and join our country celebrations. Musicians, play! And all you brides and bridegrooms, begin the dances with joy overflowing.

Jaques

Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,The Duke hath put on a religious lifeAnd thrown into neglect the pompous court.

Sir, if you’ll allow me a moment. If I heard you correctly, the Duke has taken up a religious life and abandoned the splendor of the court.

Jaques De Boys

He hath.

He has.

Jaques

To him will I. Out of these convertitesThere is much matter to be heard and learned.[To Duke Senior.] You to your former honour I bequeath;Your patience and your virtue well deserves it.[To Orlando.] You to a love that your true faith doth merit.[To Oliver.] You to your land, and love, and great allies.[To Silvius.] You to a long and well-deserved bed.[To Touchstone.] And you to wrangling, for thy loving voyageIs but for two months victualled.—So to your pleasures,I am for other than for dancing measures.

I’ll go to him. There is much to hear and learn from people who have been converted like this.
[To Duke Senior.] I leave you to your former honors. Your patience and goodness fully deserve them.
[To Orlando.] I leave you to a love your faithfulness deserves.
[To Oliver.] I leave you to your lands, your love, and your powerful new relatives.
[To Silvius.] I leave you to a long and well-deserved married life.
[To Touchstone.] And you to quarreling, for your voyage of love has only enough supplies to last two months. So enjoy yourselves. I have other things in mind than dancing.

Duke Senior

Stay, Jaques, stay.

Stay, Jaques, stay.

Jaques

To see no pastime, I. What you would haveI’ll stay to know at your abandoned cave.

Not to watch the entertainment. I’ll wait at the cave you have left behind to hear what you want of me.

Duke Senior

Proceed, proceed! We will begin these rites,As we do trust they’ll end, in true delights.

Go on, go on! We’ll begin these ceremonies as we hope to end them, in genuine happiness.