As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1

Touchstone

We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.

We'll find a time, Audrey. Be patient, sweet Audrey.

Audrey

Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old gentleman’s saying.

Honestly, the priest was good enough, whatever the old gentleman said.

Touchstone

A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile Martext. But Audrey, there is a youth here in the forest lays claim to you.

A thoroughly wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a thoroughly rotten Martext. But Audrey, there's a young man here in the forest who claims you're his.

Audrey

Ay, I know who ’tis. He hath no interest in me in the world.

Yes, I know who it is. He has absolutely no claim on me.

Touchstone

It is meat and drink to me to see a clown. By my troth, we that have good wits have much to answer for. We shall be flouting; we cannot hold.

Seeing a country bumpkin is as satisfying to me as food and drink. Honestly, we clever people have a lot to answer for. We just have to make fun of people; we can't help ourselves.

William

Good ev’n, Audrey.

Good evening, Audrey.

Audrey

God ye good ev’n, William.

Good evening, William.

William

And good ev’n to you, sir.

And good evening to you, sir.

Touchstone

Good ev’n, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy head. Nay, prithee, be covered. How old are you, friend?

Good evening, kind friend. Put your hat on, put your hat on. No, please, keep it on. How old are you, friend?

William

Five-and-twenty, sir.

Twenty-five, sir.

Touchstone

A ripe age. Is thy name William?

A mature age. Is your name William?

William

William, sir.

William, sir.

Touchstone

A fair name. Wast born i’ th’ forest here?

A fine name. Were you born here in the forest?

William

Ay, sir, I thank God.

Yes, sir, thank God.

Touchstone

“Thank God.” A good answer. Art rich?

“Thank God.” A good answer. Are you rich?

William

Faith, sir, so-so.

Well, sir, so-so.

Touchstone

“So-so” is good, very good, very excellent good. And yet it is not, it is but so-so. Art thou wise?

“So-so” is good, very good, extremely good. And yet it isn't; it's only so-so. Are you wise?

William

Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.

Yes, sir, I'm fairly clever.

Touchstone

Why, thou sayst well. I do now remember a saying: “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” The heathen philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth, meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open. You do love this maid?

Well, that's a good answer. I remember a saying now: “A fool thinks he's wise, but a wise man knows he's a fool.” When the pagan philosopher wanted to eat a grape, he would open his lips as he put it in his mouth, showing that grapes were made to be eaten and lips to be opened. You love this young woman?

William

I do, sir.

I do, sir.

Touchstone

Give me your hand. Art thou learned?

Give me your hand. Are you educated?

William

No, sir.

No, sir.

Touchstone

Then learn this of me: to have is to have. For it is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out of cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the other. For all your writers do consent that ipse is “he.” Now, you are not ipse, for I am he.

Then learn this from me: to have is to have. As a figure of speech puts it, when you pour a drink from a cup into a glass, filling one empties the other. All the writers agree that the Latin word for “he” means “he.” Now, you aren't that “he,” because I'm he.

William

Which he, sir?

Which he, sir?

Touchstone

He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, abandon—which is in the vulgar, “leave”—the society—which in the boorish is “company”—of this female—which in the common is “woman”; which together is, abandon the society of this female, or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest; or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage. I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel. I will bandy with thee in faction; will o’errun thee with policy. I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways! Therefore tremble and depart.

The he, sir, who's going to marry this woman. So, you bumpkin, abandon—which in everyday language means “leave”—the society—which in country language means “company”—of this female—which in ordinary language means “woman.” Put together, that means abandon this female's society, or, bumpkin, you'll perish; or, so you can understand better, die; or, to be clear, I'll kill you, finish you off, turn your life into death and your freedom into imprisonment. I'll use poison on you, or beat you with a stick, or use a sword. I'll get a gang together against you; I'll outmaneuver you with cunning. I'll kill you a hundred and fifty ways! So tremble and leave.

Audrey

Do, good William.

Please do, good William.

William

God rest you merry, sir.

May God keep you happy, sir.

Corin

Our master and mistress seek you. Come away, away.

Our master and mistress are looking for you. Come on, hurry up.

Touchstone

Trip, Audrey, trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.

Step lively, Audrey, step lively! I'm coming, I'm coming.